Politics might be a dog-eat-dog world, but that’s not to say there’s no room for a little fun now and again.
Case in point: Fuzzu Toys lets you “Chews your candidate”—yes, the big three are all up for grabs, complete with little touches that will keep the humans happy, too. The likenesses are well drawn, so it’ll be perfectly clear who your dog is chewing when guests or your mother-in-law come over.
Since Fuzzu is a Vermont company, we’ll let their Bernie Sanders toy go first in our list. The dog-friendly Bernie is easily recognizable thanks to the white locks. The toy features a watch that shows it’s “Time 4 Change,” as well as a 1% button. On his back there’s a drawn-on button where you can “Press to activate the revolution.”
Hillary’s likeness has “pro-whatever” and “anti-whatever” buttons, and her back has an illustration of a switch to turn her smile on and off. And of course she’s wearing a very stylish pant suit and pearls.
Donald’s hair is obviously a highlight of his toy, and he has a “NY Loves Me” tie, a brochure titled “Great Wall Building for Idiots” in his pocket, and dollar-sign socks. On his back? “Push to inflate head.” (For the record, his hands look the same size as those of the other candidate toys.)
Call these equal-opportunity offending toys.
Bark & Co. just has the two remaining candidates in its online store. While they have less detail than the Fuzzu offerings, they seem to be just as much fun for dogs, as you can see from The Dognald, pictured below. They describe Trump as “One doggedly determined Repuplican.” They say they made him reinforced for tough debates, and “you’ll never hear this plush guy squeak. Squeaking is for wimps. When chewed, The Dognald grunts. Like a winner.”
The company calls its Democrat toy Hillary Kitten, who’s “born to take on the big dogs.” With biting wit they continue: “Hillary’s a soft but tough DemoCat, with dog-minded pawlicies, a smartphone stitched in her front pocket, and a sturdy squeaker.”
Chomp a Chump gives a toy to an animal shelter for every Trump toy it sells (below). “Make your pet great again with this 10-inch poly-cotton canvas stuffed squeaker toy!” the maker urges.
Patriot Depot offers a Hillary squeeze toy—the company suggests letting your dog destroy one, but also buying one for yourself: “You can have loads of fun twisting, squishing, and turning her head into even more monstrous expressions than she normally has.”
So there you have it. There are dog chew toys to amuse or insult all your family and friends. Or save as collectibles.
But perhaps the strangest political dog toys we found were these Presidential Ducks. Not quite sure why they are ducks, or how the makers settled on the likenesses, but they show six different presidents. Choose from Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt, Nixon, Reagan and Obama.
Wonder if we’ll see Clinton or Trump as a duck after November?